6 days....

I can't believe it's almost here. 6 days until my big day getting the titanium hip. I will officially set-off airport alarms (I will always have to carry a card proving I have a prothesis) and I will always have to take an antibiotic when I go to the dentist :(

On a good note....Maddie's NESLL (New England Select LAX League) team came in 2nd overall today at their big end of the year Jamboree. They lost by 3......but were losing by 9 points.....so not too shabby of a comeback. She played goalie! Little Maddie in the goal and a feisty little ninja thing she was. Beautiful day at Governor's Academy in Byfield, MA. Couldn't ask for something better.....sun, lacrosse, free food, good competition and got to spend the whole day with my daughter alone :)

Just wanted to share some of my work and make you think of the summer on Cape Cod!

http://www.luluhalls.etsy.com

little blip in the road

The hospital called to tell me that I didn't have an EKG at my pre-admission testing. I was like...."hello.....the boobs were lifted and fitted with electrodes". After a few hours, they located the missing paperwork and thankfully I don't have to make that trip back to Boston.

I'm sad my school year is ending next week. This is honestly the only job I've ever had that I can say I thoroughly love and don't ever want to leave. My boss Linda is just the kindest person and so laid back. She lets me have the creative freedom I need...because I don't always do things in a straight line...lol. I may veer off topic if I think the class if bored or I may spontaneously start an art project just because I thought of the idea at that moment. That is why Montessori is so fabulous.......the flexibility to be who you are and go with it.

I will be teaching the same class again the in the fall......so I will be back. Linda asked me to teach summer school, but (woe is me) I'm having the hip surgery when it all starts. It would have been nice to get the extra income.....hopefully next year. Off to bed....I keep late hours these days. This is actually an early night for me.

9 days.....

Holy large crap.............9 days until I am operated on............HELP ME!!!!! LOL. Actually, I am fine. I have been thinking about this day for 2 years. I found out I can have regional anesthesia...so I am less stressed about it. That means...I can be awake (sort of) and not have any clue as to what is happening around me. I asked the doctor if I'll be able to hear the "saw" and he just laughed. He said I won't even know or remember a thing. I'm not really sure he answered my question, but I just hope they get it right with the meds. I've had 4 c-sections (spinals) and arthoscopic surgery (general for that)........you'd think this would not be such a big deal to me....but I always think the worst. I am trying to go to my "happy place" right now and I'm not getting there...lol.

Gots to go now!

Pre-Admission Testing.....

Could it take any longer????? I arrived at Mass Gen at 12:30.......immediately got into x-ray and then waited in Dr. Burke's office for his face-to-face meeting. He was a pleasant man....unusually so for an orthopedic doctor I have come to find. He even made a few dry jokes and seemed so fully confident in his skills that when I asked questions, he gave me that "are you seriously asking me that question" sort of face. I suppose he has to answer dumber questions than that.....but he's just like "I'm going to take great care of you....no worries".

That took from 12:30-2:00. Then...I proceeded to venture to another one of the three Mass Gen buildings outside. Hobbling of course. I finally found a place to grab a bagle and figured I'd eat it at the pre-admission testing place. Well....I get in there and I was saw every kind of person you could imagine (if you can imagine a room full of every ethnicity, every language spoken and just strange staff behavior. The first nurse who took me for an EKG had absolutely ZERO modesty about me taking off my shirt (get this...she had to lift up each boob to put an electrode under it)... not if that doesn't spoil your next meal...I dont' know what will. She was humming while doing this in her Trinidad accent. Then, back to the waiting room where I met up with Dr. Sullivan (a woman who I befriended while waiting the hour at Dr. Burke's office). She is a psychologist and extremely friendly. She and I hit it off right away and I wish she could be my roommate if only her surgery were a few days later. She seemed the only normal one of the litter today....but I could be misjudging the lot (but I don't think so). Then we waited....and waited........until 4:00 rolls around. I'm finally brought in to meet with anesthesia who was a really nice, young woman who I thought was a nurse right out of school. She was smart and knew her shit. Then, a 40-something nurse came in to talk to me about the same stuff the anesthesia person talked to me about (same questions). OK, can I just answer them once for once?????? Then............after all those hours......at 6:30, I got my blood drawn. And of course....my blood didn't want to come out, so she had to pull the rubber thing harder until I literally thought my arm would pop off. She finally got needed blood..........and then wanted a urine sample. Got to go home..........through Boston rush traffic and here I am..........ready to hit the sack. Good night!

fun weekend

Great time up at our lakehouse in Vermont this past weekend....my whole family. The kids had a ball at the lake.........swimming, tubing and riding their bikes all day. I talked a little to my friend Paul Appleton who lives next door (he's the dr. who referred me to Dr. Burke). I didn't want to drag his weekend down with orthopedic questions....so I I decided to leave out anything to do with my hip. Then, my mother roped the poor man into a conversation about her ailing back and what she should do....blah...blah...blah. I suppose when you are a doctor, you are going to have your friends constantly asking medical questions (as if you know everything and the person's medical history).

Just typed out my entire itinerary for my hosptial stay for my parents. I printed maps out on how to get to all the kids' activities, the hospital, summer camp and Kenzie's theater play. That took about 2 hours. I feel very sorry for my parents and my husband who have to take care of my world while I am in morphine land.........anyone who does as much as I do in one day does deserve a medal (so where is mine????)

Vermont here we come...

off to Vermont for the weekend where we have a lakehouse. The kids couldn't be more excited and it's my last trip before the surgery....so I'm just going to have fun and try not to think about it. I did hear some good news today......Maddie is officially a Rev LAX player (yeah....she had to try out and not many make it). She will be traveling with her teammates all over the place. I can't believe how far she's come.....I'm a proud Mama.

I also talked to my discharge nurse today. We chatted for over an hour and we both know my good friend Dr. Appleton in Boston (small world...she worked with him a few years ago). He's the dr. (and friend) who advised me to go to Dr. Burke in the first place. She made me feel so great. Mass Gen is taking care of everything! I will only be in the hospital 3-4 days and all the kids can come and visit anytime. They are arranging a home healthcare person to come to my house several times a week for the first month. Yeah! I was worried I'd have to go to a rehab place. I also found out that I may be able to have regional anesthesia which would be a spinal. I wouldn't feel anything (just like in my 4 c-sections) and I'd be a fuzzy state of mind. How cool is that? I hated the idea of actually going to sleep (and not waking up). So, this is safer and I feel better about it. I'll write about my trip to VT later.......probably won't be blogging this weekend...so have a great long weekend and remember all those that died for our country so we could be free and thus blog whatever we want to.

I am in denial

I seriously refuse to think about this.........the reality of what is going to happen to me in 15 days. This is crazy. A part of my body is going to be literally cut out of me like a horror movie. It's unbelievable when you really think about what is going to be done to me. I know I need this....I know it's inevitable here, but have I really thought about how badly this is going to affect my life for the next 3-4 months...maybe longer??????

I am going about my daily business as if this is not happening. I haven't prepared anything other than some babysitting arrangements. My husband doesn't discuss it with me. I think he is in worse denial than myself to be honest. The truth is...........I am numb. I am completely and utterly numb right now. I don't know how to feel and I don't like not feeling how I feel! Does that make any sense to you at all? Probably not.

I want to wake up in the recovery room with my mommy and my family beside me under a warm blankie. I want to know that I'm going to live through this! Let this BE OVER. I am sick of thinking about it, blogging about it, and talking about it. Just had to get that all off my chest. It's time for me to really go to bed. I have work tomorrow and I can't seem to go to bed like a normal person.

2 chairs...

That is what I needed at my daughter Madison's play last night........one to sit on and one to stretch my leg out on. How sad is that? I couldn't sit comfortably for 2 hours in that plastic crappy chair (you know the kind you sit on in the cafeteria in HS?). So, I just took another chair, put it in front of me...took my shoes off and stretched out for a comfy evening. I got quite a few stares to the say the least. One in particular from the principal.....I think had I been any younger, he would have come over and scolded me. The thing is...I could've cared less what anyone thought. Years ago, that would've bothered me. Hell with it....I'm getting my new hip in 20 days! I'm going to be using a walker...I better get used to stares.

Today...I took a couple of the kids to the mall. I really, really wanted to keep up with them. I wanted to go to all my old stores but I told Maddie that I was going to park in the closest handicap spot available and we would shop only the stores directly in front of it. Well, I got roped into walking the whole mall. She just HAD to go to Delia's and Hollister. Of course...what did I expect from that venture. As I hobbled to and fro, I realized it would probably be my last trip to the mall before my surgery. Everything is about the surgery date. I always think ..."this is the last time that I will ________ before my surgery" and then I get all depressed. Boo hoo. Gotta run...going to Maddie's 2nd night of her play and once again the use of 2 more chairs....maybe I'll even bring a seat cushion! Now that might be a little embarrassing.

my x-rated hip......

home again...

with sick kids that is. I have been taking this rare opportunity to update my blog and my photography shop. 21 days until my hip replacement. I feel like my death sentence is coming up.......I am literally counting down by hours. I have been trying to find every avenue to keep my mind busy and thinking about anything except my hip. Unfortunately, with every step I take I can physically feel the pain and then all those thoughts just come rushing back into my head.

I played collegiate tennis......and all my life I always thought I was invincible. Even when I gave birth to my children, I never thought that something bad could happen to me. I thought about my children and their health, but I never thought about ME. My biggest fear is not making it alive out of this surgery. I am worried I'll never walk again. These fears are unfounded based on the statistics and my age, but I have them nonetheless. I just want to be there for my kids and act young (I don't want to have the hip of an 80 year old woman)! When I get my new hip and I can take a long walk around my lake (in Vermont)....pain free....that is the day I will feel complete again.

I guess it helps me to write about my feelings because I feel a little better right now. No one discusses the depression you get BEFORE surgery. My anxiety is through the roof about this. I may put on a happy face and act like it's no big deal, but it's huge. I have never felt so helpless and so alone. Nothing anyone says to me is going to change that. Please let June 5th get here soon...............I just want it over with!

does it ever end....

the illnesses around here. First my son started throwing up yesterday.......like all day even though I still had to be the hostess of my school's party. Today, on my way to what I thought would be a "normal" day at work....Brody threw up in the car (all over the car by the way). My other son Mitchell soaked right through his pants all in the same car trip! I turned the car around...made the phone calls to work and school and now I'm home with 2 sick kids. I do not need to get sick! I have my operation in 3 weeks........my oldest daughter is in her school play both Friday and Saturday..........ok, I'll I'm doing lately is gripe.

On a positive note....I hope to actually fold the laundry today (my husband would be thrilled) and maybe plant a few things outside. Now if I could just get off this dang computer for a little while, I might accomplish these things.

totally bad hip day....

As usual, I take on the world. I hosted a "Mother's Day Tea Party" at my little private school today with Claudia. I had to be the hostess with the mostess as they say. The only problem being that I can barely walk these days and no one else seems to care. If only they could feel my pain for even just one day they would understand. My husband.....same crap.......he still thinks I'm lazy because I let the laundry accumulate in the basement (HELLO.....walking up stairs with a huge basket and bum hip just don't jive. I am far from lazy, quite the opposite actually. Just because I do spend quite a bit of time trying to start my photography business and go on Facebook more than I should doesn't make me lazy. Just because I don't spend my whole day folding laundry and making perfect dinners doesn't make me lazy. If he knew half of what I do in the course of day with 4 kids, a job and a lame hip......he wouldn't be able to handle it. I am probably preaching to the choir here....I am sure many of you have husbands similar, but you may also have husbands that are opposite that and I ENVY you. I just hope he gets his act together and takes care of me properly after my surgery. I hope the doctors talk to him and give him the rules about what I can and cannot do and for how long. It seems unless a doctor tells him I'm in pain and need help...it's the only way I'm going to get it. Ughhhhhhhhhhh....just had to vent on another throbbing, bad hippy day....23 days until my surgery!

My Hip Journey..............

It would take about a 500 page novel to go into the details of my hip journey and why I am facing a total hip replacement at age 37. I will make bullet points to outline:

• 2004 - pain began in my left hip. Dr. told me it was tronchateric bursitis (sp?)
• 2005 - pain gets worse so I get x-rays and an MRI which diagnoses me with development hip dysplasia (from birth....like 1 in 1000 live births have this). Mine was not detected until age 33. No arthritis noted.
• 2006 - Pain increases, I went to see an orthopedist in Boston who told me I have a labral tear and I need arthroscopic surgery to correct it and my pain will go away. Arthritis noted. I had an MRI with contrast injected in my hip socket. Most painful thing I ever experienced. Worse than my 4 c-sections! They stick a huge needle with no pain meds right into you hip.........imagine feeling the sensation of your funny bone for 10 minutes straight but having it hurt too? I felt like I was in a horror movie.
• 2007 - Arthroscopic surgery by Dr. Joe McCarthy at Newton-Wellesley hospital. Surgery makes my hip even more painful and I survive on Darvocet and long periods of rest. Limp begins and doesn't go away. Dr. McCarthy tells me I need a THR (total hip replacement).
• Fall 2008 - I have a good friend who is an orthopod in Boston who told me to go to Dr. Millis at Children's Hospital. He is supposedly one of the best in the world for very abnormal "young" hips (under 40...so I qualified...just barely) and performs osteomoties. This is a longer recovery, but a surgery that saves your bone. Unfortunately, because of the arthroscopic surgery failing (should never have been performed on a dysplastic hip like mine)...my hip degenerated to the point that an osteotomy was probably going to fail on me. Dr. Millis told me I needed an THR and quickly.
• November 2008 - Consult with Dr. Dennis Burke at Mass General (the best hip replacement surgeon around ...at least here in Mass from what I hear). He concurs immediately that while he hates performing THR on young people like myself, I truly needed one and I should book for a Spring surgery so I can finish out my teaching year (I am a Montessori preschool teacher) and lose some weight. I never lost the weight and actually gained about 10-15 pounds this winter :( Boo on me!
• May 2009 - Pre-op physical with my primary. All goes well and my bloodwork was fine. My blood pressure was 120/80 and my cholesterol was even under 200 for the first time in like NEVER. Weird. I weigh more and I didn't change my eating habits, so I have no clue as to why the total cholesterol went from 230 at my last physical to 190. I got off track here.....
• May 26, 2009 - I will have my pre-op appt. at Mass General with Dr. Burke. I finally feel like it's really going to happen and I'm mentally ready for this....I've had it with the limping, the pain and the meds.
• June 5, 2009 - My surgery day...............I will keep you posted hopefully as soon as I am able to write legibally and not in a morphine induced haze...lol

Just for the record though.........while I am nervous I'll never wake up from my surgery (that is honestly my main concern...not the pain, not he inability to walk), I am very happy I am having this done. I might not feel this way the day after surgery, but right now I know I am doing the right thing. I may need revision surgery someday, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. For now......I just try to take each day as it comes and love my 4 kids and my husband. I think they all want me back to being me! So if you are reading this and you have any hip issues you want to talk about, feel free to comment. I know so much more now about the anatomy of the hip and the diseases in the young hip. I just wish I knew then what I know now. Dr. Millis would have been able to fix my hip........but you can't cry over spilled milk.

So, please comment if you want, I'd love to hear from you!