I am in denial

I seriously refuse to think about this.........the reality of what is going to happen to me in 15 days. This is crazy. A part of my body is going to be literally cut out of me like a horror movie. It's unbelievable when you really think about what is going to be done to me. I know I need this....I know it's inevitable here, but have I really thought about how badly this is going to affect my life for the next 3-4 months...maybe longer??????

I am going about my daily business as if this is not happening. I haven't prepared anything other than some babysitting arrangements. My husband doesn't discuss it with me. I think he is in worse denial than myself to be honest. The truth is...........I am numb. I am completely and utterly numb right now. I don't know how to feel and I don't like not feeling how I feel! Does that make any sense to you at all? Probably not.

I want to wake up in the recovery room with my mommy and my family beside me under a warm blankie. I want to know that I'm going to live through this! Let this BE OVER. I am sick of thinking about it, blogging about it, and talking about it. Just had to get that all off my chest. It's time for me to really go to bed. I have work tomorrow and I can't seem to go to bed like a normal person.